


How Can I Live Without You

by Jania28



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Het and Slash, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2013-12-26
Packaged: 2017-12-31 10:22:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1030570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jania28/pseuds/Jania28
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sean Renard isn't used to letting things go, but when Adeline's spell steals Nick away from him, Sean has to choose between Nick's happiness and his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning and the End

**Author's Note:**

> Grimm and it's characters belong to NBC Universal and the show's creators not to me. This story was written for entertainment purposes only.

When Nick started dating Juliette Silverton, Sean thought she was far too perfect and much too good for him. And now as he stood in Rosealee Calvert’s spice shop watching his Grimm and the woman he’d chosen kiss, Sean Renard hated her with a passion. More than he wished he was in her place comforting Nick and shutting out the world for a little while.

But those days were gone, wiped away by Adeline, her jealousy and a spell designed to tear everything away from Sean. He coughed softly drawing everyone’s attention back to him and made weak excuses about leaving to take care of things. No one protested, not even Nick and Sean felt another bit of himself die as he walked away.

Flashback

_“Nick isn’t going to wake up without help,” Catherine told him firmly as Sean tried to resist the urge to kill her. “He needs the kiss of a handsome prince…..one of pure blood, which is something you are very much not.” The urge to kill rose, but Sean barely managed not to break her neck when he spoke._

_“He is mine, he has always been mine,” the half Royal said with a passion he didn’t know he possessed, “I will do what I need to if it means bringing him back to me.”  “You might regret saying that,” Catherine replied softly as she handing the purification potion over. “Then I’ll take whatever comes when it comes,” he replied._

Now:

Sean stared at his phone, his face passive but his mind spinning with ideas, wishes and hopes. His mother wanted to talk….this could not end well. A tap on his office made him look up. “Come in,” he called expecting Hank. “Captain can we talk,” Nick asked and Renard froze at the younger man’s tone of voice. Nick only used that tone when he wanted something. In the old days that had meant something personal but now who knew what Nick wanted.

“Of course,” Sean replied waving him in and trying to keep an emotional barrier between himself and Nick. “Why,” the Grimm asked. Sean shook his head confused. “Why what,” he replied his tone neutral. “Why do you keep trying to protect me?” Sean couldn’t breathe for a second as his mind worked out the right thing to say. “Because you’re the Grimm” didn’t sound like enough.

 

Flashback:

_Sean leaned over breathing in Nick’s smell, that heady mixture of soap, spice and something completely…inhuman. He couldn’t get enough of it. He wanted his Grimm back….more than that he wanted his lover back. He pressed his lips to Nick’s thrilling at the feel of the young man’s lips against his own again. After a moment or two Nick began to respond._

_Sean stepped back then, waiting for him to wake up, open his eyes and see his older lover there waiting for him. But fate was a cruel mistress often taking things when a person least expected them. “Captain,” the Grimm said softly, “what the hell are you doing here?”_


	2. What Happens Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watching Nick stalk away made Sean’s trapped cock throb painfully with every beat of his heart. It looked like things had just gotten even more complicated. He really hoped they were both alive at the end of the night.

Now: 

“Why,” Nick insisted and Sean showed him the camera footage, gave him a bunch of pretty speeches about living in two words and left Nick to make the choice about turning himself in or not. Meanwhile Sean’s real thoughts and feelings lay hidden behind a mask of calm and determination. He’d wanted to say. “Because I love you and because I’m yours, Grimm and Royal together always.” But he didn’t he just let Nick walk back into the life he’d chosen and didn’t fight for him….at least he wasn’t fighting yet.

 

Flashback:

_“Captain,” Nick asked his voice weak, “you didn’t answer the question, what are you doing here?” Why is he asking this, Sean thought, why is he being so formal…I thought we were past this. He swallowed hard and spoke. “It was my turn to keep watch,” he said proud of himself for sounding so strong, “You had an accident.” Accident was putting it mildly more like a three car wreck and then some._

_The older man moved closer and rested his hand on Nick’s arm trying to sooth the wounded Grimm as he had before. Nick flinched causing Sean to pull back quickly and curse Adeline and all her descendants for the fiftieth time that day. “I’ll go and let the doctors know you’re awake,” Sean finally said and fled before Nick could ask any more questions._

Now:

Wu finally shoved his former partner out the door hours later, claiming he was tired of watching Renard stare at his computer screen. Sean went home after thanking him when he really would have preferred to crash on his office couch instead. His condo still had too many memories of Nick connected with it even after a year. Photos were scattered here and there, books on the coffee table and a few pieces of clothing, Sean wasn’t sure how to part with.

He pulled out one of these, an old jacket of Nick’s and took a deep whiff letting his senses absorb as much of the Grimm’s fading scent as he could. To a human this might have seemed sad or even a little creepy, but Hexenbiester/Zauberbiest lived for the scent of their mates. To be without a steady source of it was killing Sean little by little. He needed Nick to remember….needed him to come home.

He just wasn’t sure how to ask again.

Flashback:

_Nick had forgotten his lover, not his superior officer or his sometime drinking buddy just the part of Sean that had loved him. It was the cruelest spell Adeline could think of to tear a fellow Zauberbiest mate away and a prince’s at that. No matter how Sean tried to convince Nick of the truth, the younger man kept pushing him away and denying their year long relationship. Finally Sean backed off deciding letting Nick go for a while would be worth it in the end._

_It wasn’t until he met Juliette at a police function a few months later that he realized how final things had become. Sean had hated her on site, not because she was beautiful, not because she was smart but simply because she had what once was his._

_It made it easy to explain the page long list of Nick’s name on his computer later that night._

Now:

Sean set the coat aside and got up padding into the kitchen. Digging through the fridge produced a takeout box with food that didn’t smell too old and one of his favorite craft beers. He hardly ever cooked anymore. It wasn’t as fun or exciting when there wasn’t someone else to cook for. Of course he could have called someone, he’d never lacked for company before Nick and scores of former lovers would adore being back in his good graces again.

But they wouldn’t be the Grimm that mix of soul mate, companion and friend Sean had been longing for since he was nineteen. He had to win Nick back before the power vacuum caused by Eric’s death either hurt the Grimm or killed Sean because he was distracted by personal problems.

However, it couldn’t be like the last time where they’d had years to get to know and then be drawn together. He was going to have to woo Nick Burkdhart and the prospect terrified him.

Flashback:

_As the obsession with Nick grew, Sean tried everything to deny it. He threw himself into hunting for the key, finding Marie Kessler’s trailer and even searching for a cure anything to keep himself from thinking about Nick, sex with Nick and biting Nick. His attempts failed spectacularly, Monroe the blutbad had identified him to Nick and Nick assuming Renard was stalking Juliette had caught him outside the trailer._

_As Sean tried to explain himself yet again, Nick had forced him to woge and attacked him. The fight became a flurry of punches, breathless explanations and more punches. Pinning Sean to the ground, Nick towered over him for once and the police captain was ready to die. Hard hot lips then pressed against his own and Sean lost his mind kissing back so hard he could taste blood._

_Nick pulled back giving Sean time to spit the blood out before he swallowed it. There were no rituals that could bring back the powers of a hybrid. “Nick I,” he started to explain, but his only answer was another kiss this time causing their teeth to click together. It was wrong so wrong to be doing this right now and Sean shoved Nick off of him and stood up shivering._

_“Stay away from me,” the Grimm snarled even as he moved closer. Sean almost said. “I can’t,” but stopped himself.  He reached out to his friend and former lover but Nick slapped his hand away. “Go home detective and rest….I’ll be by later to explain everything.”_

_Watching Nick stalk away made Sean’s trapped cock throb painfully with every beat of his heart. It looked like things had just gotten even more complicated. He really hoped they were both alive at the end of the night._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the wonderful kudos and comments. I do have a plan for this story and possibly one to follow that will explain how Nick and Sean became lovers in Season One so please bare with me. The next chapter will be up as soon as I've had time to watch and think about the upcoming episode. Thanks again!


	3. I'm Dying Without You

Now:

“That what you Grimm’s do isn’t it,” as soon as the words were out of his mouth Sean regretted them…slightly. But only because he was coming off as an ice cold asshole and not because they needed to be said, after all Nick was a better Grimm then his aunt, but he had still killed Wesen when he needed to and Sean wasn’t about to pat his hand and tell him any different.

He brushed Nick off after that his mind focused on his mission, meetings and paperwork. It was easier then facing up to the fact that he’d hurt the man he loved.

_Flashback:_

_Nick opened the door before Sean could knock causing a moment of awkward silence before anyone spoke. “Come in,” Nick snapped stepping aside. Sean breathed in the Grimm’s scent as he passed and he almost moaned out loud. That mixture of soap, spice and Nick was driving him crazy and not helping him control whatever the spell was doing to them._

_Nick shut the door and Sean removed his coat tossing it on the nearby armchair. Nick glanced at it as if remembering something and Sean’s heart leapt into his throat for a second. Nick glanced back at his captain and the hope died as Nick stared up at him, his gray eyes hard. “What the hell do you want,” Nick said, “me or that dam key?”_

_Sean couldn’t stop himself as he walked into Nick’s personal space and slid his hand under Nick’s chin. “Both,” he growled kissing the Grimm passionately. For a second or two, Nick didn’t answer. But then the kiss turned hungry as he bit Sean’s lip drawing blood.  Sean again got that sense of “wrong, wrong, wrong.” He wanted Nick to remember him, to not be angry. He shoved Nick away panting. “No not like this,” he said._

_Nick however wasn’t listening he attacked Renard’s shirt ripping it in a desperate effort to touch skin. Sean was drawn back into the passionate embrace biting a rough path down Nick’s neck. This time it was Nick who shoved Renard away. “Stop,” he said but Sean lashed out punching Nick in the face. For long minutes the two men grappled between their passion and the spell._

_Chairs were smashed, Sean was pinned to the floor, Nick knocked over a lamp and noises in the room ranged from moans and gasps to swear words in six different languages.  Sean’s shirt was in shreds, his pants were headed in the same direction and Nick’s face was covered in blood from hitting the lamp with his head by the time they both stood up._

_Tension was a thick invisible wall between them as they gasped for air and stared each other down like supernatural cowboys at a showdown turned sexual chicken. Sean spoke first. “We can’t do it like this,” he groaned, “we have to find out what Adeline did and fix it.” Nick nodded even as he moved back towards Sean who backed up._

_“Agreed,” the younger man snapped, “I want you out of my personal life and my Grimm life for good.” Sean choked back on the words he’d been about to say as Nick’s sentence sunk in.  Being out of Nick’s life would kill him….not quickly mating bonds were only severed with speed when one party died unexpectedly, but it would kill Sean over time to be apart from Nick._

_He swallowed and nodded “Nick…..I’ll respect your choice but I’m begging you once we get this…whatever this is off we need to talk. There is so much you don’t remember and you need to….you need to remember us.” Sean hated the pleading note that had entered his voice then, but this was important._

_Nick was watching his captain with an expression that was equal parts passionate and confused. Finally he spoke. “Fine we find a cure for this and then we talk.” Sean relaxed slightly but then he gathered his tattered clothing around him like a shield, grabbed his coat and fled trying to ignore the fact that he is still hard as a rock._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter but the last episode was so Renard light that it took me a day or two to figure out how to make it work. I hope you enjoyed it anyway!


	4. You Want Me to Drink What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And I have the Grimm,” Sean said in a calm tone of voice wishing he didn’t have to play his trump card so early in the game.

Now:

“And I have the Grimm,” Sean said in a calm tone of voice wishing he didn’t have to play his trump card so early in the game. However, the rebellion had tried to discount him from the moment he sat at the table no matter what Sebastian might have said otherwise. He had also not wanted to bring Nick into this without talking to him about their situation, knowing his former lover loathed being used like a pawn. Sean’s heart ached at the mere thought of doing something Nick would have hated even though Nick still had no idea what he meant to his captain. Standing up, Sean then stumbled forcing Meinser to reach out and grab his arm to keep him from falling over. His wesen bodyguard gave Sean a concerned look which Sean brushed off with a shake of his head. It wouldn’t do to look weak now however horrible he might actually be feeling. Sean mouthed “I’m fine,” at Meinser and took his place beside the rebellion leaders to make his point. He could deal with his illness later once all the pieces were in place.

Flashback:

_Nick drank the purification potion and turned to the group as if expecting something to happen. “Is that it,” he asked, “doesn’t seem so bad.” Everyone else still looked tense, while Sean quirked a smile. “Wait for it,” he told Nick calmly while counting in his head._

_Sean wasn’t taking pleasure in the situation because he actually found this funny, but it amused him that Nick had been forced into the same situation as Sean himself simply because of his bloodline. Without Grimm blood, Rosealee’s cure wouldn’t work; Sean knew that even though everyone else seemed to be trying to hide that from him. He assumed they were hiding the truth from him because they still weren’t sure if he was wesen or not and from Juliette because she was human, but as a wizard beast he knew his potions and knew the risks he was taking in drinking this one. His mother had never been clear what would happen if he ever ingested Grimm blood, but had warned him time and time again never to risk breaking skin with anyone just in case. It was like she had known this day would come and wanted him to be ready for it._

_Nick dropped to the floor and Sean fought the urge to smile. “There it is,” he told the group dryly wishing he could be the one holding Nick’s head in his lap and comforting him instead of Juliette. How could she know Nick loved to be whispered to in French and have his hair stroked like a cat. Only Sean knew that, Juliette had chosen to walk out and leave Sean to pick up the pieces of Nick’s heart, only coming back when Monroe had begged her to. But he kept all this to himself as Nick woke up and the potion was prepared. He took the offered cup and sneakily sniffed it to judge the dose of blood he was about to drink._

_The smell was strong, rich and spicy and if he’d been human, Sean would have enjoyed downing the entire cup. Instead he only swallowed half, keeping the rest in the back of his mouth to spit out later. He would have faked drinking the whole thing if there hadn’t been a room full of people watching, only one of which he didn’t hate. Nick however drank the tea in one go and started at Sean as if to say “What the hell are you still doing here?” It hurt deeply but Sean didn’t look away. “Is that it,” Nick asked and Rosalee warned them both that there might be side effects later but they should fade if both men were careful. Despite this Sean still spit out the rest of the potion once he was outside. He knew he was already dying so what did a little extra discomfort matter in the long run_


End file.
